| i ain't no harlem black girl! |
[Sep. 19th, 2010|07:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | creeped out | ] |
| [ | music |
| | gwen stefani - "harlem black girl" | ] |
optimus prime SEZfriends only: because stalking the internet ON the internet is just plain stupid. add & be added, unless of course i fucking hate you. 
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| page 606 snape kills crookshanks to save ron! |
[Jul. 18th, 2007|10:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | RAIN RAIN | ] |
just kidding.
but i just want to say this (in my absence) that OMG
OH MY GOD
book 7 on friday. i can't handle it. i guess technically saturday.
will be in union square, probably sober, in a cape (just kiiiidding).
so be there. read books on the way home with me on the train. let's cry together.
also i hate jerks who don't apologize for things. fuck.
also i refuse to text message get over it. |
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| a few things |
[May. 27th, 2007|12:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | less than jake - "nervous in the alley" | ] |
i live in new york
it's currently 1 am here.
in colorado, it's not
it's only about 10.
does that mean colorado is in the...
PAST! HOLY SHIT OMG.
just kidding.
today i came home from the wonderful world we call manhattan. i came to ossining to see my aunt, granparents, brother. nothing has changed. my grandmother drives me insane. she is way too high energy. but, i love her so what can i do? i would be going crazy. her husband is in massachusettes for the week. she can't drive. and she drives my brother insane so he avoids talking to her. which is reasonable. she puts us all on edge.
but what can i do? oh, nothing. so back to my life. right?
i think next week i'm taking a mini vacation. which i need. and would love. please get me out of here. new york is too high energy. everyone else is running around and living a normal life. i can't. i'm so stuck and crippled. i feel like a shitty DRM infested .mp3.
i don't know how a GUY could put it so accurately, but he did. boy said something to the extent of this:
'you're still dealing with all the sadness, but everyone else is moving on. no one's sending flowers anymore or calling you every day to check in on you. so you're being forced to pretend everything is okay, when it isn't, but you don't have any other choice.'
precisely.
nothing is normal, it's different forever to me. but no one's going to change how they behave around me to cater to me. i can't expect them to. i can't deal with people using negative language around me, i'm testy. i can't help it. i'm scared and paranoid and i NEED people around me, but i'm so tired all the time that i don't want to go out. i just want to lie in bed and watch harry potter. i don't want to expend energy. i need it to get out of bed.
and when i finally do go out it's like this miracle that leaves me totally drained the next day.
sugar coating, sugar coating. need to sleep. |
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| rock like lobster! |
[May. 25th, 2007|07:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  horny | ] |
| [ | music |
| | tsunami bomb - "being alright" | ] |
in lieu of drinking thursday
i think i may be drunk still from last night
all i know is i woke up naked at boy's
apparently we found a super cool chair on the way back to his place
it's like ultra kitsch red leather. needs to be sanded and repainted.
but it will look cute when is done.
homosexual conversation with my boyfriend of the day:
him: *hands me moisturizer*
me: i didn't wash face yet
him: ok, when you do you should use my toner
me: i hate toning, it dries out my face
him: it does?
me: yea, it has alcohol in it
him: *goes to look at bottle*
him: no this one says it's alcohol free, and it has tea tree oil!
me: *hands head in shame*
also
him: you can't have your tea until you finish your juice! you need more antioxidants!
///
lol. lol. lol. the end. |
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| last day of finals!!! |
[May. 22nd, 2007|09:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | eminem - "my name is" | ] |
today is last day of finals!!
omg, PLEASE, let this be over...
yesterday was the worst. day. ever.
well, okay i can never honestly say that again, so
i mean, it was horrible.
* wake up stress out josh
* stress out some more
* OCD do all his dishes (which is prolly a good thing)
* finally call up cingular about replace phone
* go out to lunch, study during lunch while josh write thank you cards
* oh shit i'm locked out of apt.
* freak out
* go to park, do more studying, have nervous breakdown about:
* still not done with art projects
* need to study for psych final
* not done with networking paper
* have a fucking programming exam (which i failed) later
* get keys from dad
* fail exam (seriously, i didn't know anything on it)
* get home, try to study
* have more nervous breakdown
* crying and general anxiety ensues
* finally calm down
* go to bed
today needs to be over so i can have homemade margaritas and ribs and pasta salad. hoorah!
but first
* finish art assignment
* study for psych
* hand in psych paper
* take psych final
* hand in art final & other assignments
* present multimedia networking final
THEN BBQ
THEN
* finish networking paper, upload to server by thurs.
THEN BREAK RELAX OH GOD MAKE IT END PLEASE.
thank you that's all
OH SHIT I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT TO PRINT OUT MY PAPER. DAMMIT NO DAMMIT NOOOO |
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| finals don't apply tto me, right? |
[May. 20th, 2007|12:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | justin timberlake - "what goes around-comes around" | ] |
i have this killer advertising & illustration take-home final
i know it sounds like a joke
but my professor is really on our asses
for a 2 credit elective, this is sort of hurting my brain...
which i think may be atrophying from lack of use.
any graphic designers out there want to do this for me?
call for help?
oh yeah, since no one believes me.
yes, i am blonde. whea!
now i am going back to studying. or, whatever i am claiming to be doing. |
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| hello, it's me |
[May. 19th, 2007|11:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | promise ring - "happiness is all the rage" | ] |
quirkiness has been one of those things that
forever, it seems has been this totally socially acceptable thing
in fact it's encouraged.
quirky good, mismatching socks and funny colored hair are good.
i am so confused right now.
last night i had a dream
in it, i had somehow attempted to amputate both of my own arms. i woke up crying and with a dull pain in both my shoulders. my boyfriend was helping me carry my bags, and our mutual friend was angry with him for helping me. simultaneously, a guy i used to sleep with was trying to get me to film me doing something (i don't think it was sex, actually). and somewhere later my arms washed up on the beach.
i've been so confused and hurting all day for some reason. i'm totally thrown off any time i have one of these nightmares.
for some reason it made me think of mom.
and i tried not to cry, but boy was there, and warm and i was comfy and i just couldn't help it. rain is falling outside and i'm looking out at brooklyn, and it made me so sad. i don't know why.
partly my mother has always seen me with these jerks who treat me badly, and i find a new person who really likes me and appreciates, whom i adore... and she can't see him. no one can. i want to make up for all the time that we spent fighting, i want to say i'm sorry mom for being so much of a pain.
he thinks that perhaps the reason we fought so much is the reason we were so close these past three years.
even so, i would probably cut off both my arms if it meant she'd come back.
i'd cut them off myself. honestly. no anesthesia. i would. i can't hurt any more than i do right now, can i? |
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| i'm back, for temporary or always |
[May. 18th, 2007|04:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jimmy eat world - "a sunday" | ] |
hello.
here is an excuse.
"i am writing this only for me. when i really wish more people understood me."
i actually am.
i realized i never really write, creatively or otherwise (after much to do over a psychology paper, i came to understand i had not written anything decent in months).
so i'd like to get into that habbit. but not a habit. because i enjoy sex.
for the record. me, being an emo bastard, recently downloaded jimmy eat world's "clarity" illegally from a torrent site (isohunt.com). and it's fucking DRM'd up the ass! okay? every few minutes this annoying chime... chimes in. look, i downloaded my music illegally in the hopes that some nerdy hacker already cracked the DRM software off of this motherfucker, but NO, they were too lazy to do that! fine!
i will listen to it in SPITE of that. i hope the RIAA knows i'm suffering!
then again, this album totally blows and i know it, so i could go listen to the knife some more instead. but... jimmy eat world... knife (not to be confused with the awesomely funtimes homoerotic thrash band, of similar name).... shit shit sheisser merde. (!!!)
so of course i chose now, when i should be studying, to bring LJ back.
oh, and because i deserve a hangover today, i don't have one.
aren't i lucky? |
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| cry me a rivarrrr |
[Jul. 25th, 2006|11:31 am] |
i didn't die
hey kids...
if no one knows already
or hasn't responded to me because they are an anti-social asshole
(yes)
then here it is:
party, my place, friday the 28th.
details in my myspace blog
too lazy to get link, but...
here's my damn phone number
i'm too pissed off to write out details
914 318 2299
yea, phone number on the internet. whoo. |
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| new cell phone! |
[Jun. 13th, 2006|05:57 pm] |
i have a new cell phone
so if you think my life will be better knowing your number, leave it for me...
or if you don't wanna post it
e-mail me :
star [dot] ichigo [at] gmail [dot] com
that is all. |
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| hmm, ho hum |
[May. 29th, 2006|05:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | mommalicia | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nothing | ] |
momma offered to let me move back home so i can take more classes.
perks? NO BILLS. well, i would help out with food, but i hardly eat anyhow, starving myself = <3
laundry whenever i want! can you believe that!?
my own room anyhow, and i'd never be home.
i hate how i can only take 3 classes because it eats into my work... hmm, you know?
and since i go to school in the city, i can still go out there, i'd just have to crash somewhere (i think the last train outta manhattan is like 1... it might be later now).
i dunno, this could be good, or bad.
i mean i'd be in class monday - thursday, so you know... and i'd have more money. and money is good for buying expensive shit i don't need! like addict by dior, smells soooo good. i steal my momma's all the time.
well anyhow, this be an option, i kinda like it. but i'm not sure, ya know?
(i sound like tidus) and of course i would bring my ps2 with me. sorry guys. get yer own.
if anyone has any input or advice i'd like it. then i could actually say "wow, having friends is WORTH something!"
even though it's not. |
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| 2 out of 3 ain't bad |
[May. 29th, 2006|12:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | mommalicia | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | quiet | ] |
i got 2 out of 3 of my grades
i have an A- in english (wtf!)
and an A in math (bigger wtf??)
making my GPA like a 3.85... can i round up? heh.
so it's nice that that stress is off my back
yep... and now it'll start all over again on the 5th
when i go nutty mccrazy over shit
actually i am taking the most basic shit ever over summer
to get it over with
computer applications (aka. word, powerpoint, excel)
speech (speech?)
so that's good, anyhow... easy A's
fuck math though, i fucking showed IT
ps. the johnny cash movie sucked
i hope he's rolling around in his grave |
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| etc, etc. |
[May. 28th, 2006|08:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home sweet home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | complacent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the sound of settling | ] |
this week has been nice
not done anything of substance except bake chocolate chip cookies, relax
hang out, do nothing, breathe, shower, breathe...
yes, all and all i love it
i wish there were more vices to give into, i feel too sublime, perhaps?
alas, yes, well...
no work until friday, school starts monday
changing my phone number on saturday
if i decide i like you, i will let you know
because i hate 90% of the people in my phone
haha, you fucking losers
anyhow
this has been my week and such...
yes, well...
new pink razr phone is nice
and my mom got me a super adorable fossil bag
<3<3
spoiled? no...
but the last time something nice
happened to ME, it was... uh? yea... no idea
i'm devoting my life to the pety thing no one cares about
i decided, i will just... ignore everything
it'll go away, i bet
i have no one to talk to but i don't care
i have enough vices
i don't need friends to complicate the matter
so...
i will dissapear? sort of. not really
i am always here, you just have to bother to look
i am tired of being an easily available commodity
for people to pick and choose
if you want me, come GET me. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2006|11:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the sound of trains passing | ] |
school is out! thankfully!
more on that later, to the breakfast mobile! |
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| cheerful mornings and DCFC |
[May. 22nd, 2006|12:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home sweet home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | death cab for cutie - "summer skin" | ] |
i awoke this morning reeking of booze, cigarettes, BBQ.
my mouth tasted like onions and charcoal
so i brushed my teeth
i took a shower
i did my hair pretty (it's still pink so i threw in some braids and straightened it so that it flips out at the bottom, chu!)
i put on some comfy PJ's
and now i am checking my e-mail
and intermediately studying for my MMP (multimedia/prog. design) final today
i am mostly ready for it
so i am fine
i am a little nervous for tomorrow's STATISTICS final
but i should be okay
i also just made off with about 1,500 dollars in financial aid which is going straight to me! ha! well, dad supplied the 1,200, and then a 300 dollar difference (spring refund paying for summer classes), so basically... j'adore dior, and i am going all out on something because i haven't treated myself to anything in MONTHS, YEARS? ipod? oh my god the possibilities are almost endless.
the WIII? wiii! AH! okay, i'll stop now.
to think i was worried about money for a little bit. ha! i always find a way somewhere, thank god. whether it's screwing over my school for money they don't need, or just being a cock ass to people well... yea... basically.
oh yea, and i am addicted to craigslist missed connections now, thanks to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) cildrudyathe (thanks a lot =P)
now i go study some more. bye bye! also, i swear i listen to other stuff besides death cab, they just happen to make me want to update my LJ more! |
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| things you do when you are drunk |
[May. 21st, 2006|01:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | current residence | ] |
| [ | music |
| | arcade fire - "headlights look like diamonds" | ] |
it is true we do stuff we hate when we are drunk
but we do not remember, and it is awesome.
i am not talking about fucking strangers (and thankfully, not neighbors)
but walking home when you are cold
like i know that sucked
walking 15 minutes when i knew i was freezing
but i don't remember! thanks booze!
i also know that it sucked being tired last night
but i do not remember, so again, thanks booze!
i like to thank alcohol for doing things for me
that i would hate to be sober to do
like walk to get more booze?
walk ten minutes? but it was a good idea!
though i never did get to drink my sparks.
i hope cat did. i hope someone did.
because i know it was all alone
in that orange plastic bag.
only in williamsburg (on second thought
also china town)
would a deli have a bright orange plastic bag
in bushwick (where i do not hail from,
but simply reside at this current point
in my life) our bags are simply
opaque black.
how boring, how so like my neighborhood
oh yes, oh well i am making some rice
it sucks that i bought beer last night
and did not really get to drink it
because i was drunker than i thought i was
but someone did
someone enjoyed what i failed to
that is good
so is rice
good morning! |
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| hi, i'm disgusting |
[May. 20th, 2006|01:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | inconsequential | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "me against the music" - britney (feat. madonna) | ] |
best website of the day
suddenly eating my veggies seems even more enticing.
also coffee is good, lots of water.
and only 2 more finals left. who am i kidding, i only had 3!
but monday and tuesday will be bad days to talk to me.
or to show up at my apt. and fuck me. but those are always good days.
and i re-dyed my hair, so it is super hot pink now, also my bangs came out a little bit lighter blonde, which should make me at least a little more attractive. or stupid. which are interchangeable terms.
started reading the "windup-bird chronicle" by murakami. it is amazing.
i love when text is translated from japanese to english, it always seems to have such a different feel to it. same with french. has anyone noticed that? when i read kitchen (yoshimoto), the way she described sadness and loneliness and despair, juxtaposed with happiness and fulfillment moved me to tears. she herself, is amazing. and the fact that i just used the word "juxtapose" makes me feel like an idiot.
let's see... *calculations*
last time i ate was around 7 last night, had a few pieces of canteloupe and some cheese, so K would eat her dinner. i love encouraging her to eat, when the thought of food anywhere near me makes me want to die.
and please no, jess you aren't fat shit either, just because you can't see something doesn't mean it isn't true.
ps. would someone please call child services on britney? but then again, at least she didn't rape her 1 day old baby before she even brought it home from the hospital.
some people are just fucking disgusting. |
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| semi-depressing enttry no. 5,013 |
[May. 12th, 2006|06:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | the bedroom | ] |
| [ | music |
| | knapsack - "change is all the rage" | ] |
it's weird
how i sorta feel semi-guilty
about sleeping with another boy last night
(and it was good, what!?)
it's like
i'm not yours
and you aren't mine
but i feel like i somehow
did something i wasn't supposed to
you know, nothing BAD
just maybe...
on the same lines as...
not washing your dish RIGHT away after you use it
like it's just gonna annoy you later?
or was that not the best example.
well
yes, so...
also i am worried about money problems
i can ask dad if i need anything
it's just i'd rather not
i need a job, but my school schedule won't allow for one
that isn't during the evenings for
a month and a half...
what AM i going to school for anyhow?
stupid jess, stupid me, stupid us.
(and then you asked
where i was last night
and i was with a guy,
but did i sleep with him?
and i said it was
"none of your business."
it was honest!) |
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| sonic says, that's NO GOOD |
[May. 8th, 2006|05:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | ytmnd | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bjork - "isobel (funkjazz remix)" | ] |
honestly, what happened to all those PSA's for kids and shit about like what to do if some weirdo adult came onto you? i mean weirdo adults come on to me all the time, and i never know what to do!
no but honestly, did they just stop caring if little kids got molested? or did they just figure they'd be having sex by the age or 14, so why even bother? i think that might be it, i'd have given up if i were them too.
but if sonic tells ME what to do if a grownup makes me feel uncomfortable, i would totally listen. especially if that grown up were bill nye. |
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